Friday, April 2, 2010

Loss

Several months ago a friend of mine lost someone close to them, and I watched them go into a tail-spin of sorts. They became someone that I didn't know, and didn't handle it in the way that I would think they might have. It has taught me quite a bit in reflection about loss and all the emotions attached to it. There are a few reasons I would choose to blog about such a "depressing" subject. First off everyone experiences loss, whether it be a loved one or the loss of hope in a situation or relationship, but what I want to talk about is loss in ministry.
In the ministry that I run there are all sorts of different ways to experience loss. I could lose support financially. I lose leaders and volunteers it seems regularly and that loss is certainly felt, but the loss that I want to focus on is the loss of students. My Campus Life club seemed to be growing for several months, and all of a sudden it fell in numbers, for a number of reasons that I understand and I'm sure some that I am unaware of. For the last two years, I have had a couple of students who have totally bought into Campus Life and been excited for everything that we do! They were juniors last year, and are seniors this year and will be graduating in a couple of months. You see last year I didn't have any seniors, so I didn't have to worry about who or what I was losing, but this year is completely different I am losing over half my Campus Life to graduation. I am so excited for these students, I know its their time to move on. I personally miss them already, many of them have stopped coming all together because their schedules have gotten them over -loaded already.
I share this as a loss for me because I have trouble invisioning Campus Life without them. I know that is wrong to say because my vision does span well beyond them as individuals but with my group still being so small I built quite a bit around them. Now I have to move forward and re-work some things with the loss of my consistent students. I am still very, very new at this whole ministry thing and I am not sure how I will cope with the loss to my ministry as well as the loss to myself. It causes me to face all sorts of fears, what if I do crash and burn after this year and what if we don't grow? What if I don't find a new set of key students to help me with Campus Life?
All these fears are accurate, but the truth is not found in my fears. The truth is found in my faith in God to provide a new season for Campus Life, knowing that as I continue to walk in Him I will "walk" into the right students and Campus Life will continue to grow and prayfully flourish! I know youth pastors deal with this all the time, your only in high school for 4 years and then your gone-that's the cycle, simple as that. Perhaps I'm just being a baby and not handling loss in the way that I am supposed to. I need to understand that loss happens and in my personal experience it causes you to grow, and even mature. Though I miss my students already I look forward to the growing opportunity it provides for myself as well as Campus Life.