Ringing in 2014

    So as the past four months were consumed with my first semester back to school in...well lets just say years, blogging was not exactly a top priority.  Don't feel bad movies, tv, and even friends didn't make the list of priorities.  I am however on the 8th of January about 7-8 days late in letting the world in on my resolutions, which I normally don't partake in.  No clever diets, or discipline plan to set me up for "success,"  I just simple know something about myself that I happen to hate, that I actually hate about every other human on the plant as well....

     As I stood by the intracoastal sea wall waiting in anticipation to observe the beautiful fireworks display they do so very well every year, the count down began.  At the shout of "ONE" there was a couple who kissed, one group with impossible noise makers, and a child about the age of 3 who woke up in the commotion.  What stood out most to me though was the mixture of people from every group who chose to be glued to their phones rather than enjoy and savor the moment of ringing in the New Year with their loved ones and friends.  The fireworks raged on for 23 minutes, (impressive right?) and more and more people instead of being present in the moment and enjoying it for themselves and with each other were either constantly taking pictures, or videos of the production.  But is that really celebrating a moment, when the only thing we do with it is turn it over to the closest social media sight for our hundreds (tens in my case) of admirers to "like" or "comment" on.  I mean seriously I could rant on a lot here...like why do we even leave the house these days...is it only to get a few hits on a social media sight, or because we really want to go and do something?

   Either way that is not my point tonight.  The point is that I was convicted and realized how much I hate that I am one of those people who want to post a really cool picture on instagram that gets a ton of likes, and I want to be really witty and re-tweeted on twitter.  And in my quest to those ends I am missing my life....and so are you is my guess.  So my resolution for 2014 is to put my phone down and be present in my life, and experience my life, maybe even enjoy it a little instead of allow myself to be convinced I am missing something online that I might "like" more.  Do you ever find yourself missing out on moments only to re-discover them on a #throwbackthursday on your phone?  Do your friends ever get upset with you because your phone is never out of your hand?  Maybe you have the same problem that I have.  Challenge yourself this year to put your phone down and be present!!

Accepted!

My Acceptance letter from Liberty University

   As I enter into my 31st year (yes I know, doesn't seem right) I am about to embark on a new adventure.  I am finally going back to school to finish my college degree.  With the encouragement of a few friends last spring I realized that I really had no excuse or good reason for not finishing, so I began the search for a program/school that would have everything I wanted.  Living in south Florida there area lot of options as far as school goes but I was more interested in something that I could fit into my schedule instead of the other way around, so I began looking for online programs.  After looking into several I quickly saw cost differences, and limited degree programs offered online for most schools.  I landed on Liberty University Online for those reasons and a few more, they by far had the most degree programs offered and a variety of ways to accomplish them.
   I work in full-time ministry and I know that I don't necessarily want to change that after I get my degree but I wanted to find something I would be interested in that could also benefit my organization, Palm Beach County Youth for Christ. I will be studying for a business administration degree w/ and emphasis in marketing.  I am both nervous and excited, mostly excited though.  Part of what pushed me over the edge for this decision was that I wanted something that I could do for me, kinda like a hobby.  Working in ministry where you aim to love and serve others for Christ, and being single where often times your schedule is dictated by friends who are married and either do or don't have time for you makes it difficult to feel like I have things and time that is my own.  Hence the new hobby!  It really is amazing how when I "quit" college I always knew that if and when God ever wanted me to go back and finish that He would make a way and give me a desire to do it.  His timing is never off, I really feel that this couldn't be happening at a better time for me and I'm so excited to do it!  

YFCamp 2013

 
 As usual the road to and from YFCamp is filled with stress, heartbreak as well as overwehlming joy and 2013 was no different.  The weeks leading up to camp were filled with a lot of hard, but as we loaded up on the charter bus and pulled out of the parking lot the stress of it all went away...for the most part.  The road was bumpy, literally bumpy because of the bus' hydrolix system struggling, so as we hit any little hole in the road we were met with an unpleasant jolt.  We arrived in one piece to Carolina Point in the beautiful Smokey Mountains along the North and South Carolina boarder.
   I won't bore you with a day by day account of camp but I would like to share 5 of my most memorable moments of YFCamp 2013.
   
   #1 -For the first time at a YFCamp we had the opportunity as a cabin to camp outdoors...with my city girls I knew this was an opportunity they needed to have.  Everyone was excited to have the opportunity until the rain storm was set to move in!  I was so proud of the girls they not only toughed it out but looked forward to the challenge with a great attitude.
   
  #2 -One day the entire camp, (all 250+ people) went on a mile and a half hike up the mountain to have lunch.  The hike was a definite challenge for our below sea-level living Florida selves-not to mention the students, but once we arrived at the top and took in the spectacular view of 3 states below us the complaining finally stopped.
     
  #3 -One thing that was really special to me was having a couple of my former students there at Carolina Point serving as work crew.  Both Tiffany and Taylor first said yes to Jesus at YFCamp, so to see them growing and having a heart to serve so that other high school students have the chance to say yes to Jesus too is
phenomenal.  They were and are so encouraging to me!

  #4 -A zip-line ride would make a top 5 list anywhere but while waiting to go on the zip-line a memory that will never be forgotten by me and is quickly becoming an all-time favorite YFCamp moment happened.  Lexie didn't want to go on the zip-line but I told her she needed to at least come up and support the rest of the girls who were.  Fortunately one of the young men working the zip-line was pretty easy on the eyes and Lexie took notice, so when he nudged her to try the zip-line she convinced herself to do it.  She and Liz went together but as she got near the end of the first section Lexie missed the rope that was supposed to bring her in...so she zipped in and quickly out.  She was hanging there for 3 minutes tops but as I watched all this go down I said out loud to my co-leader, "she is going to kill me!"  So as they finally got her pulled in and safely back onto the platform I asked to use the walkie to radio to her, the conversation went as such....
             
                ME:  "Could someone of the second platform please inform Lexie that I love her!"
                without a moment in between
                LEXIE:  "Blow yourself!"

I cried I was laughing so hard.  It may have been because I was a bit delirious from lack of sleep but I could not stop laughing that that was her choice of words to me and that anyone at camp that had a radio heard my student tell me to "Blow myself!"  I love that this was Lexie when she got to camp but while at camp she said Yes to Jesus and is different now!

L-R: Me, Lexie, Ariel, Liz

  #5 -The best part of YFCamp was the 12 students from RPBHS Campus Life who came, the 9 who came not knowing Jesus, and the 6 who said yes to Jesus while there for the first time!

If its not one thing its another...

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS COMPLAINING

   At the beginning of the week I caught myself asking my boss, "Can anything else go wrong this week?"  She responded with a dropped jaw "yes it can and it probably will because satan just heard you say that."  I have never been the type of person who ever gives satan more credit then he deserves so I kinda balked at her response, however its Friday and I now regret saying asking that question.

  We are leaving tomorrow night to take 55 high school student to YFCamp in North Carolina.  So that means this week has been consumed by collecting forms, meeting parents, and fielding questions about what to pack.  I have worked really hard to sign students up and to raise money to make it possible for many of them to go.  I have been SO excited for YFCamp, as I am every year, but something happened this week and my excitement and joy was kinda taken away- and when those were gone my perspective and focus became negative.
  This is somewhat uncharacteristic of me because I LOVE camp! I love it so much that I spend two weeks of my summer going.  First week to take students and the 2nd I serve so other leaders can be with their students.  This week just seemed like everyday had a new surprise of something I didn't want to deal with.  First was the discouragement of a couple students dropping out despite having scholarships for them to go, leaving me with money and space for more students to go but no one who seemed to want to go.  Second was missing an important deadline to enroll in college to finish my degree which I have been looking forward to for months now.  Then my roommate tells me she wants to move out, and my car starts acting up. (Goes without mentioning how necessary my car is in order to finish picking up paperwork in preparation for camp.)  Then I receive a phone call from my bank telling me my card number has been compromised and they want to close my account and re-issue everything...Go ahead and scream or crawl into the fetal position for me as I was unable to do either of those things with so much still to get done for camp.  Even as I write this I am procrastinating on finishing that "to-do" list.
   I have a tendency to feel picked on when things like this happen, you know when one thing after another just seems to come at you whether your ready or not.  When this happens I have a hard time telling the difference between God's tests and satan's distractions.  This week I have a feeling that my boss was right, and I shouldn't have asked a question that would imply things could get worse...because they did.  I suspect that satan did want to find a way to steal my joy and excitement for what will happen at YFCamp, and it worked.  However I also suspect God is trying to teach me something about my character, as I do have a tendency to throw my hands up in the air and give up when life throws too much at me all at once.  All that said I am expecting God to show up and do some amazing things at YFCamp this week- Please pray that I would focus on what God wants me to see, and understand that whether its my car, my living situation or which students get on the bus and which ones don't, He is in control.

The Way Way Back

    Anyone who knows me well knows, that I love watching movies.  For the past few years I have been blessed with the ability to preview many movies before they are released.  The Way Way Back is one such movie that I have gotten to see, despite the fact that its not playing within a 50 radius of WPB.  It's actual release date was July 5, so other parts of the country have it already and are better off for it.  I watch a lot of movies and I would be honest about how much I watch except that I dont' want you all to assume I don't have an actual life.  That being said I have seen A LOT of movies in the last couple of years and I can honestly say "The Way Way Back" is the best movie I've seen in at least 2 years.
    This movie came from the same producers and such that made the movies Little Miss Sunshine, and Juno.  So one of the reasons I like this movie so much is the same reasons many enjoyed those films...the characters are real!  You can say you know someone just like them or you see yourself in them and the acting is so honest that if you do see yourself in there you don't feel bad about it.  Even the scenario is real, as painful as it is at times you get the feeling that these people really exist somewhere and they are really doing those things.  Not to mention with real characters there is real humor, not made up dialogue with unnecessary cursing or inappropriate banter- what cursing and banter there is feels real and appropriate for the situations.  This movie is exactly what it suggests, funny, endearing, and honest.  I laughed so much!

 I have to admit however that I do have a bias to this film for the very story that it is.  This is a story about a teenage boy living through the breakup of his family and implications of the aftermath.  (ie. he is stuck spending the summer with his mom, her boyfriend, and his daughter in a beach town where he doesn't know anyone.)  He is an awkward, quiet, and shy kid. Working for Youth for Christ I am used to seeing such a teen, and it always breaks my heart.  I want so badly for teens to come out of their shells and see that they are more than the circumstances they are going through in their life.  This movie takes the audience on just such a journey when he (after a handful of awkward meetings) meets and opens up to a water park manager who sees potential in him.

    Because of this story and the realness of the characters coupled with my heart and what I do for a living I saw myself throughout this entire movie.  Maybe its all of the awkward attempts I've experienced trying to connect with a teenager, maybe its seeing potential that not even a parent seem to recognize at times, or maybe its just that the movie is that good and anyone can see themselves in this story.  Either way I highly recommend that if you have a chance that you would go see it.  And if you read this and you are in youth ministry or volunteer in a youth ministry you need to go see it.  I speak with so many adults who don't understand how to "connect" to teenagers and if you struggle with that this movie may help you understand its not as hard as you think it is.

CrossFit Chronicles take 2

   So here I am, in the sixth and final week of my beginners Crossfit class.  A couple of weeks ago I was in pain and constantly sleepy.  I had a friend tell me that once I got to week three that the workouts would no longer make me tired but would give me energy, and that I would love it.  There is no way that I would have thought my friend would be right but he was...in the middle of week three I finally felt stronger and was enjoying the workouts more.  I was no longer huffing and puffing through the warm-up and actually getting through it ready to start each morning.  Also despite NOT being a morning person getting up at 6am became easy and even preferred, (not that I don't look forward to off days and sleeping in a little.)
   As for the people of Crossfit, I still hold a somewhat similar opinion of them however in my six weeks I have felt them open up and be more friendly to those of us in the beginners class.  Maybe this is because they want the money and so they need us to sign up and keep coming, but I like to feel it has to do a little bit with credibility.  They have seen us start and struggle, but push through and finish the six weeks where many who began with us are gone.  They (Crossfit people) still come off as cocky, somewhat unfriendly, and way too interested in working out, but why would I fault them for finding something they are passionate about and pursuing it??  I have things that I am passionate about, though its not fitness and exercise, I'm sure when people interact with me regarding those things they might find me a bit cocky and way too consumed by it.
     Now the big questions come...did I lose weight, do I want to continue with Crossfit?  As for my body I decided to do this 6 week class because I needed something to get me moving again.  After the lose of my mother just over a year ago I have put on a lot of weight and the grieving process barely gives you the energy to get out of bed in the morning, never mind working out or running.  I had no weight goal in mind, I just wanted to be in shape again so that I could get back to life.  Which includes keeping up with teenagers weekly, not to mention two weeks of camp that can literally kill you no matter how "in shape" you are.  I have lost inches, though it would be difficult for most people to notice, I do and that is all that really matters.  And YES I think I would like to continue with Crossfit!  I am no where near able to keep up with the "Hardcore" crowd, but they are opening up a bootcamp class and many of the folks in my beginners class are going to do that so I will join them!
   When was the last time you challenged yourself, and found that you liked it?  Have you ever needed a healthy change and been motivated to do it, no matter how impossible it seemed?

Crossfit Chronicles

   So here I am in the second week of my Crossfit beginners class.  I am a beginner in every way when it comes to working out, but if you have ever been in a Crossfit class or seen pics and/or prideful posts on social media then you must understand I am a beginner in all sorts of ways starting Crossfit classes.  

My desire here is not to brag (beginning has a way of humbling you), but to observe myself not only physically through the class but also socially and mentally.  Mostly socially because I can already tell you I don't like Crossfit people.  I may not have a great reason for that last statement but I am entitled to my opinion from my personal experience thus far.  However for the time being I have become one of those "Crossfit people" so I continue...

    After the first day I had a hard time walking, I wondered how I would get to the second day not to mention how I might get through the work out.  Though very sore I made it through.  Physically my body was in a lot of pain, but I was surprised to experience my brain all but shut down.  Every day I literally had to take a nap and went to bed very early, and still my brain is having a hard time staying on task.  I probably owe it to myself to research this a bit but I am not going to.  My assumption is that my body is in need of so much more "whatever" than its used to that my brain isn't getting all that it is used to getting...So I sleep.  LOL

   Back to those "Crossfit people": I like the trainer/instructor but I feel like whenever someone from the "hard core" class comes in that they are laughing at those of us who are in the beginners class.  I am sure this isn't true all the time but I am safe to assume it is true most of the time.  There also tends to be a lot of bragging in whatever instruction is given.  An example of how to have the right form for a exercise becomes a, "hey (fill in a name here) how much weight do you do with this one."  

  So I am complaining a little bit here, but I am committed to 6 weeks of trying this Crossfit thing out.  And I must say despite fatigue and soreness I am seeing results and do foresee myself able to make a lot of progress physically.  I just have a hard time relating to people who's biggest priority in life is to have and maintain a ripped body!  I don't think that will ever be me, the priority part or the ripped body part.

 

The Great Gatsby

  Unlike what seems to be most everybody I know, I for some reason or another did not read this classic American novel in high school.  I don't remember it being assigned however my level of interest in reading at that time in my life may point to it being assigned and I simply didn't do it.  OK, I am not sharing this to educate you on my lack of interests in my education in high school I am writing to share a perspective not only of the book, or the new remake of the movie, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, and Toby Maguire, but also the original movie made in 1974 starring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow.  
  Until I heard that the remake was being done I hadn't realized how many Great Gatsby fans there were out there.  I seemed to hear from a lot of people that they were hesitant to see the remake because they were such fans of the book and the original film.  So naturally I did it all in order, I read the book, watched the original on netflix then headed off to the movie theater to catch the new film all in one week.

  First off I was a big fan of the book and enjoyed it immensely.  I can't call myself a knowledgeable person when it comes to literature and I know this book is taught in classrooms across the country, so I have no real intelligent insight to give, other than to say that F. Scott Fitzgerald seemed to leave holes in the story where the reader is to decide on their own what is really going on.  With those "holes" in mind I am sure that would draw many film makers to creatively fill the spaces and at the same time be daunting for writers to capture something in a dialogue that may or may not have been intended by the author.  Right there is the basic difference (that I see) between the original movie made in 1974 and the remake, that was just released.
  I do feel that the original was "by the book" in the way that it seemed to leave the same holes or spaces that the book did.  However the remake told a story of much more passion and conviction than the original.  I'm am certain that modern movie audiences are much different than they were in the 1970's, so it doesn't surprise me that there was more passion or flash to the current remake.  After watching the remake in the movie theaters I stated to my friends that I felt like it was closer to the story F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote than the 1974 movie version.  I may have to go back on what I shared with my friends.  I feel you got a fuller story in the remake, which is probably why I said that because as I read the Great Gatsby I wanted some of those holes filled and the movie makers filled them for me.  But those things weren't in the book.  So I conclude this to suggest that if you are a fan of the book in the purest sense of it, you may not like the remake currently showing in theaters.  If you are like me though and you need spaces to be filled or enjoy creative interpretation you will love the remake.

A Marked Year

  Today marks a year since my mother passed away.  This is the reason I have dropped off the face of social media and blogging existence.  But as I spent some time with God over this week I have been overtaken by so many lessons I have learned and the ways I have grown.
  Over the course of this year I have fought against the belief that the only purpose in my grief is to help others when they experience it, but it just made me feel used.  Suffering is so much more complex as it wrecks your soul and causes over complicated questions to wash over and doubts are magnified.  At the same moment with all of that going on there is also a freedom and understanding that cannot be explained.  Over this year I often arrogantly lived in this freedom, as I looked to God and said "do your best, I have nothing else you can take from me!"
  Those moments of understanding just how world and fleshly focused we all are is where the freedom came in.  There truly is not a better clarity in life than to understand how unimportant MOST the things we focus our daily lives on are.  I have always "known" this truth but to understand it and feel its truth in my soul changed me profoundly.  I loved my mom as I believe her to have been the only unconditional love I have ever received in my life, losing her caused me to realize the relationships that are important and the ones that are not important.  I have spent so much of my life trying to be liked  and accepted by others, I am free from worrying about what others think of me or if they want to be my friend or not.  Don't waste your time on people who don't give you any of their time in positive encouraging ways.
  This "freedom" greatly affected my professional life as well.  I spent many months this past year wrestling with God and finding Him at every point even though I wanted to be angry and had wondered if He had deserted me.  I had always known I was called to minister to others and bring His message of hope, peace, and joy.  When mom got sick those three things seemed to allude me, and the  ministry that I did felt like work and effort for the first time in years.  It wasn't until a couple of months ago that I finally caught the freedom in knowing that the ONLY hope, peace, and joy on this side of heaven is Jesus.  You may be thinking well duh, everyone knows He is the source of those things, but I ask you have you ever experienced Him as your ONLY source of hope, peace, or joy in your life?  And dare I say that if you haven't then you may not understand the freeing truth that it is.  Every thing that I "work" towards in ministry came into focus through the truth of all those who need the Gospel and His hope, peace, and joy.  Work became easier and more focused then ever, I no longer worried as much about what my co-workers thought about what I was doing or how I was doing it. I even told my boss at one point I knew I didn't work for her and with or without my position I would continue doing what God has called me to do.
  That is freedom, when you realize and re-motivate your whole life to focus on those truths.  The truth that He is peace, hope, and joy.  The truth that souls last into eternity and not the physical or material things of this world.  The truth that only in the dark is light truly seen.  So many people experience loss, and suffering.  Suffering causes big philosophical questions, and after my year of struggle (which is not over yet), I see how suffering puts each of us on a two-lane road where it can either drive us closer to God or cause us to step the other direction away from Him.  Thankfully on most two-lane roads there are usually only a few opportunities to turn around and head in the opposite direction, so as I may have moved forward slowly I never took the opportunity to turn around.  I can surely say I have not only seen and gotten to know God in a new way, but I have also experienced Him in a personal way that I never would have if I hadn't walked through this time of grief.  I miss my mom, the way she loved me, the way she and I had a sense of humor that no one else seemed to understand, and the way she listened to me on my good days and my bad days.  I am marked in multiple ways by the way this loss has changed and shaped me, I look forward to the day that I see this as God saw it and I pray that it honored Him and my mom!

Lessons for your 20's

As another year has wizzed by as I finally stand on the other side of my 20's.  I turned 30 on Sept. 9th.  I am not your typical 30 year old single female.  I actually looked forward to this day and rather than reflecting on the parts of life I have yet to experience I rejoice in the life that I have experienced.  That being said I want to dedicate this post to those of you who are in their 20's still.

My 20's held a lot of life and change, it was full of transitions, the good, the bad, and sometimes ugly parts of life are all there.  However there are several things that I wish I had done differently, and I'd like to share that wisdom here today.

-I wish that I had spent more time in the kitchen. Many women are born w/ this interest, I was not but I do wish that at 30 I was more comfortable in a kitchen and confident at a grocery store.

-I wish that when others spotted a gift or an ability in me, or something that needed correction that I would have respected them enough to seek it out and try.  I often and many times still think that I know ME best, but an outsiders perspective is so valuable to learning about yourself.

-I wish that in my early 20's that I would have heeded the advice of those older than me instead of thinking I knew how to do it best. Can't tell you how many times I ended up learning the hard way and having to redo or repent for my actions.

-I wish that I would have developed better organizational habits, both personally and professionally.  My theory was that I didn't need to "cook or clean" because someday I was gonna be married and have kids & not have a choice in the matter.  Well Im not married and don't have children but making my home livable is important at any stage of life, and necessary to help find balance between home life and work life.

-I wish that I would have been more picky about who I spent time with in my 20's.  Not every relationship is worth making life-long or worth sacrificing for.  Finding people who bring out the best in me has become the key ingredient to the relationships that mean the most.

-I wish that I would have spent more time investing in the generation behind me in healthier ways.  I spent a lot of time with them (& still do) but sought the place of friend in their lives instead of responsible mentor they could look up to and learn more about life from.

Now this list may make it seem like I regret much of my 20's but that is not the case.  These are simply the things that I wish my "youthful ignorance" would have allowed me to listen to those more experienced and wiser than me, or that I would have been more confident to try on my own.

Words = something or nothing

Once again I find myself in a place of having neglected my blog for months now.  The few of you who frequent (???) are probably no stranger to the fact that 4 months ago I lost my mom.  Settling back into life has been more than challenging.  Weeks at a time go by and when I look back its all a blur.  I have been told and encouraged that this is "normal," along with the sleepless nights and not caring much about anything.
  This year has been the most difficult of my life.  Words like Mom, cancer, hospital, home, or love get spoken and my mind goes to another world.  Part because of my grief and part because I am numb to the realities of what has happened. Its in those moments that I remember everything that losing my mom impacts and life becomes a blur again.  On the eve of another year of YFCamp I am compelled in this moment think about the students instead of myself. as hard as it is.
   So many young students have sets of words that make them numb, and life a blur.  We hear story after story of students who have no concept of what a "dad" is, so I can't imagine that word making sense to those who have trouble grasping what a "dad" is.  My co-workers and I have also observed that words like "camp" and "happy" don't connect with kids today.  Especially those who come from homes where "happy" isn't expressed or lived.  And we have seen how abstract the concept of "camp" is when we see the excitement on their faces as they watch a promo video, but see the blank expression that follows as they view it as something out of their reach and not possible for them.  The difficulties in my life this year have given me a way to relate and see how something as simple a word can elicit emotions of confusion, longing, and numbness.  When there is no possible way for me to connect or not be distracted by words like cancer, home or mom; how can I expect that there aren't trigger words for a student that make communication difficult.  The only way for anyone to be able to know that there are such words is for someone to be walking very close to me through this time.
     Walk close enough with a student to know those words that elicit great emotion or no emotion at all.

Death to Life

Death is something that all of us stand to face. Last week at the high school there was a student who committed suicide, I received the news of this after learning that my own mother was diagnosed with cancer. Needless to say last week had a somber tone to it, then as Saturday ended I got the news that the father-in-law of a good friend of mine had died unexpectedly. As all of these losses and illness come to me it truly is amazing the grace that God gives us to cope and encourage one another.

As I have spent time ministering to students and a few of my close friends it truly has been amazing the strength and peace God has given me. However in the midst of loss and grief I have found myself challenged and angered on how the gospel shared. My mother who is not a believer and has experienced her share of struggles and trials in this life, is now fighting cancer, and rather than my questions being "why God would you do this to her?" my question has become "how do I share hope to her when things seem hopeless?" I cannot convince my mom or students of the hope that I have. Its not fair to them to have them ride on the faith that I have, they need a faith and a hope of there own.

I have really been challenged to share the gospel in a different way. John 17:3 "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." Eternal life according to this verse is to know God, and Jesus who was sent to die for us. Nothing is said here about having a good life, or not experiencing trials, having money or comfort. Jesus is the joy in this journey called life! Holding onto Him and knowing the Father who sent Him is the gospel that grieving, and hurting people need. In light of all the grief and trials around me I am even more passionate about what I do and making sure that others understand & see the grief and hurt that surrounds us day in and day out! I pray that we are convicted and called to action when we feel as though we may not have the answers to ease someones pain, we do however have the answers for the Life that comes after death.

House Broken...finally

OK OK so many of you who know me well know that I really am not a "homemaker" by any stretch of the imagination. I have always listed excuses such as not having anyone to take care of in that sense, or that part of enjoying singleness was to not have to do domestic things like cooking and cleaning.
The last few weeks I have been settling myself into another "home." I don't know what is different about this apartment but for some reason I have unpacked boxes that have not been opened since I moved to Florida 5 years ago! Maybe its my age, maybe its my desire to make some place really feel like home, but over the last two weeks I have cooked more than I have in the past two years. It feels a little pathetic to admitt but its pretty close to the truth.
Suppose another possibility for this sudden interest in cooking has come from my lack of funds to eat out so much, either way something has certainly changed in my head to motivate me to become more domesticated. I have really enjoyed cooking and I have enjoyed eating my cooking! I haven't heard any complaints from my current roommate either, so maybe I'm not that bad of a cook :) It feels great to finally be growing up and doing what other women my age do-(so to speak).
Soo if you have any healthy, simple recipes for me to try let me know!! I am anxious to get a few more cooking utencils and also do a little baking!

A year makes a difference

- One of the biggest things on my list of to-do's in the world of YFC ministry is our 2nd Annual Connection Dinner. The Dinner is an evening where we share the stories of our Palm Beach County YFC chapter, particularly the stories of students who have had significant life-change. During the dinner we give attenders the opportunity to take part in what God is doing in the ministry by partnering with us through volunteering or giving financially.
I really enjoyed the Dinner last year, and was blessed to have gotten some helpful contributions and partners out of the deal. However this time last year I recall being totally paniced about finding a table host and having idividuals to invite. I was absolutely terrified to ask for $300 to pay for the table and I was even nervous about inviting others to attend, afraid that I would be putting them in an awkward position and force them to give money. I remember a feeling of failure as so many of my co-workers had multiple tables and here I was struggling to even ask someone to help me with one table.
Well a year does make a lot of difference! Somewhere in the last year I stopped worrying about what others would think if I asked for money, or their help with finding people to support the ministry. Though I am far from in the black financially speaking, for the dinner I have become an asking fool. It looks like I will have at least 3 tables this year, possibly 4. And because I have asked so many people about the dinner I now have several people to follow up with because I put a "bug" in their ear about YFC. God has obviously done a great work in my heart and mind to keep me in this minstry, I am praying now that I can catch up to my financial goals and that I don't ever stop asking others to get involved.
When was the last time you asked someone to join you in your journey with God whether a mission trip or a personal spiritual journey? I know God has showed me the power that there is when we involve those around us in what He is doing in and through us!

Reunion rewind

If you read my post a few weeks back about my upcoming 10 year high school reunion you know that despite seeming awkwardness I was excited. Maybe at the time I was excited to get out of Florida though? Who knows.

The reunion was all the fun awkwardness that I could handle and more. There was little to no organization to the whole event. Although it was neat to see my former classmates with their children the "picnic at the park" event was weird. I'm sorry but since I don't have kids I maybe shouldn't have gone. It was the place were conversations centered around potty training and ages being shared in months instead of years??? Though there was plenty of cuteness walking around it just felt weird walking up to someone and not having a child to talk about. I suppose that for some parents this becomes a norm, but it certainly is not a norm for me.

The portion of the event was for a dinner at a local restaurant/bar. I greeted most people as they walked in as you can imagine this was a good fit for me- I could get a "hello, how ya doin?" out before they even saw who was asking. For the most part after entering people went straight to the bar, and after returning pretty much sat with the same people they did in high school in the cafeteria at lunch. It was strange to see how we've grown up but not really changed all that much. Maybe its because we are from a super small town where most of us have kept in touch with our high school friends over the years and those are the ones that we wanted to see anyway?? Or maybe I wanted to have an opportunity to share how past our small town I was as I've moved onto the "beaches of Florida..." I was asked to MC the evening but there was no microphone or an order of events. This is where the awkward moments begin. Everything that I had planned and wanted to do to shake the crowd up was blown up. And the longer it took to figure out what we were gonna do the more awkward it got.

I let down everyone who was counting on me to break the invisible ice. I got nervous and when the time came to take charge I cracked under pressure...Turns out I haven't come as far as I thought I had in the last 10 years? #reunionfail

'Hunger' for my time

Soo its a week out from YFCamp! And I can't wait, I'm so excited not only to be going but about the group of students that I have coming along with me! However my time this past week/weekend has had me reading the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, every spare minute I have.

I usually don't read and when I do its almost always a non-fiction, spiritual enhancing type book. I have a hard time reading fiction books mostly because if I really get into them I have a hard time fitting my normal life around getting to the end of the story. I haven't gotten to sleep before 3am in the last 3 days...but I just can't put it down. A couple of months ago I had a friend rave to me about the book, but as she described it as a little "sci-fi-ish" I was turned off though the story did sound somewhat interesting. I somehow, (probably from a celebrity news show,) figured out that they were making these books into movies. I almost never hop on a band wagon before everyone else is on it too, so I thought to myself as I perused a bookstore last weekend "why not" just see what all this is about and if its any good. I had a gift card so I wasn't going to necessarily lose money on the book if I didn't like it.

I should probably step back and share how I got to the bookstore on a Friday evening. I am moving yet again and in an effort to save a little on this last month we (my roommate and I) decided to turn off cable and internet. On Friday evening I was sitting at home finishing a book I was already reading and decided to shop and see if I could find another book to occupy my time in the absence of TV, internet, and even the dvd has been packed away. Either way its Tuesday and I'm about to finish the second book in the series, "Catching Fire." I'm hooked and I'm not only eager and persistent to finish the book series I'm also looking forward to the movies that will be coming out. Unlike the "Twilight" book series, and "Harry Potter" (which I have never even read a word,) I am ahead. I may not be ahead of a lot of people but for once I can join in before previews in the movie theaters are getting others to buy the books.

In observation I guess really the main point isn't that I have read a book before the movie comes out but really how much time I have on my hands without television and internet in my home. Not only have I read these books, I've also spent more time with the Lord and read some of those non-fiction, spiritually enlightening books. By not having TV and internet I have not only enhanced my life spiritually, and personally for my ministry, but I have also taken up a hobby which I had always considered myself too busy for.

So in closing I would challenge you to really unplug, and not just from phone, or email, unplug from the distractions you may have at home. Read a book...find a hobby?

Getting Away???

Soaking up my last few minutes in the office before leaving on a vacation of sorts!

As you all have read I am going home to Kansas to my high school reunion. Nothing really beats being able get away from the momentum that moves our lives forward. I am looking forward to having the license to not answer that phone call or respond to that email. However in the world of ministry where you are in the business of relationships its quite difficult to push relationships away for a period of time. I sat down today with a co-worker who is on a 3 week vacation and not out of town. Before he even came out of his house I had to promise to not talk about YFC stuff. Of course that didn't happen. Its tough when you are in the business of relationships to not take "work" home. Ministry is such a beautiful, scary place to be as a profession. Beautiful to see the all the things that God is doing in the lives of others, and the way he brings people around to serve His causes, Scary because as a profession its so dangerous to look at relationships as business...

How do you view your professional relationships different from your personal relationships? What would you do if they were one in the same?

10 years

I can't believe summer is in full swing and yet I totally believe it by the sweat found on my back from driving in my car. I have missed filling the blogger world in on so many things as the school year came to an end. Everything from the success of Point Break and the new friends I made to how many students we have gearing up for YFCamp this summer. Even the fact that I am once again looking for new place to live has gone unmentioned here. One current thing that is both exciting and strange is that this summer I have the pleasure/displeasure of celebrating a unique milestone...my 10 year high school reunion. At first thought as 2011 approached I was totally weirded out by this fact. But as online conversations began (and my mom sprung for my plane ticket home) I slowly got excited about this milestone. I'm not really sure what makes me so excited to go back to that awful place filled with embarrassing memories and all the people who would remember them. Most everyone around here (WPB,) that I have told about my reunion has frankly stated that they didn't/wouldn't go to theirs, which surprises me. They share how there is no one that they would want to see or catch up with, or how they were so traumatized by the whole high school experience they couldn't be paid to go back. Don't get me wrong there is plenty from my high school experience that I wish wasn't a part of my life, but I have totally bought into this reunion. Maybe its because I grew up in a small town, so even the people that I didn't hang out with I knew for the first 18 years of my life. Kindergarten through 12th grade, 5 days a week I saw the same faces and took classes with the same people. Not to mention that to this day my closest friendships are the ones that I made in high school which is rare, and we don't even live in the same state, not even the same time zone.

Though there are many many reasons to not be looking forward to this "milestone" I am embracing it. How about you? Did you go to your reunion or regret not going? Or do you think that when the time comes you will pass on the "experience" to go back? If so, why?

Point Break

So for over a year now, my boss has been working hard to get Point Break approved by the Palm Beach County School District. She finally received a green flag of sorts at the end of 2010, and with my contacts at Royal Palm Beach High we set our sights to pilot the program there. (If you don't know what I am talking about please refer to pointbreakonline.com, though some of you have maybe heard to talk about it already so I don't want to go over everything you already know.)

The date has been set and then set again, and then changed one last time. The one day workshop was supposed to originally take place sometime in February...its now May. Everything has come down to the very last second. Even as I write this I am awaiting a phone call to verify that we have use of the Royal Palm Rec. Center for that day. Needless to say I have only the confidence of God to pull me through to the next task. May 17th is the date, I feel at this point I may be the only one who is eager and expecting this to happen. I am SO hopeful of what this will do for Campus Life's relationship with not only Royal Palm High, but with the school district. I feel this is a door opener for future Campus Life ministry's in other area schools! Of course I am most excited about what it can do at Royal Palm.

So these last couple of weeks have really been crazy, trying to get everything done in my regular duties as a Campus Life Director as well as keep the school motivated and moving forward in this endeavor (Point Break.) I have been working to help the school produce and get letters out to parents, I have helped write proposals for the money to put this on. Many things that are out of my "expertise," but I am loving every minute of it. I just pray that this is everything that I hope it can be. I want so badly want for this to open up the possibility of having a Campus Life presence on campus weekly. I hope to meet lots of new students in order to invest in their lives along with my other adult leaders. I can't wait to report the success of Point Break and how all of this crazy work pays off.

3 things I have learned about leadership in the last month

Leadership is such a difficult thing to define. There are so many books, seminars, blogs, and people telling us what leadership looks like. Being in ministry the word leader gets thrown around a lot, and in Christian circles the word authentic gets added in there as a bonus. Since I was in high school I have been "taught" and "trained" on how to be a good leader. In school I was always involved in student government, I was also a peer counselor, and a few times was chosen to be an "ambassador" at conferences representing my school. In all those things and even in my adult life I have never learned so much about how to be a good leader than I have in the last month recognizing my failure at it.

-Communication: We are always told what a big effect good or bad communication can have on your ability to be a leader, and I pride myself at times on over-communicating. But I realized in the last few weeks that I communicate openly and often about the positives that are going on in the ministry yet I rarely share the struggles or the things I wish would change. The thing about change when you hold a leadership position is that YOU are the one you can affect change. I was walking around hoping that by my actions and discomfort in certain situations that my volunteers would magically get the picture, then when they would not I would be discouraged and frustrated. I was being a terrible leader by not sharing or taking the time to talk about what was on my mind. I should have found out what the other leaders were seeing and experiencing, but instead I just assumed they knew me well enough to realize what I was unhappy with.

-Confrontation: A little confrontation never hurt anyone, (so to speak.) I have a passive personality, most anyone who knows me can and will attest to this fact. I hate confrontation. But if part of the point to having a supportive team working and serving with you is to have different perspectives then most likely confrontation is gonna come up. The key in this is that as the leader you have to make sure it stays on the productive side of things and doesn't turn sinful. I recently had a very confrontational conversation with one of my leaders but it turned out to be a far more productive conversation than me communicating in positive circles. This particular volunteer took me on the emotional, confrontation roller coaster until a difficult situation was handled and navigated through before future issues arose.

-Responsibility: Any leader in any avenue of life will tell you being a leader is a great responsibility. That fact is a no-brainer...But as a Christian (desiring to be an authentic) leader my responsibility comes from a much deeper place than the office that I work out of. Realizing that my confidence in what I am called to do comes solely from God I can NO longer take that stance that tomorrow is good enough to get something handled or done. I may have been hired to do a "job" by a man, but God has put me here, and its MY responsibility to see to it that what needs to be done gets done! Even if that is having an awkward conversation asking for $10,000 or making sure you are on time to an appointment with a student. Maybe ownership is the better word but I think even that comes down to being responsible with what God has given you. I have forgotten that none of this is about me, so the excuses of "oh thats just my personality", or "nobody cares if I get to that today or tomorrow."

I am a leader of a ministry because God has put me here, and I have been gifted specifically to accomplish what He desires to be done here. For better or worse (I usually learn the most from the worst), until God removes me or calls me elsewhere I have a job to do and I must confidently walk forward unashamed of the outcomes, learning from every opportunity I can. Part of being a leader is to constantly learn, and fortunately God has taught me a lot in the last month about how I fail as a leader, but I believe He did that so I could get better and accomplish more for Him!