Lessons for your 20's

As another year has wizzed by as I finally stand on the other side of my 20's.  I turned 30 on Sept. 9th.  I am not your typical 30 year old single female.  I actually looked forward to this day and rather than reflecting on the parts of life I have yet to experience I rejoice in the life that I have experienced.  That being said I want to dedicate this post to those of you who are in their 20's still.

My 20's held a lot of life and change, it was full of transitions, the good, the bad, and sometimes ugly parts of life are all there.  However there are several things that I wish I had done differently, and I'd like to share that wisdom here today.

-I wish that I had spent more time in the kitchen. Many women are born w/ this interest, I was not but I do wish that at 30 I was more comfortable in a kitchen and confident at a grocery store.

-I wish that when others spotted a gift or an ability in me, or something that needed correction that I would have respected them enough to seek it out and try.  I often and many times still think that I know ME best, but an outsiders perspective is so valuable to learning about yourself.

-I wish that in my early 20's that I would have heeded the advice of those older than me instead of thinking I knew how to do it best. Can't tell you how many times I ended up learning the hard way and having to redo or repent for my actions.

-I wish that I would have developed better organizational habits, both personally and professionally.  My theory was that I didn't need to "cook or clean" because someday I was gonna be married and have kids & not have a choice in the matter.  Well Im not married and don't have children but making my home livable is important at any stage of life, and necessary to help find balance between home life and work life.

-I wish that I would have been more picky about who I spent time with in my 20's.  Not every relationship is worth making life-long or worth sacrificing for.  Finding people who bring out the best in me has become the key ingredient to the relationships that mean the most.

-I wish that I would have spent more time investing in the generation behind me in healthier ways.  I spent a lot of time with them (& still do) but sought the place of friend in their lives instead of responsible mentor they could look up to and learn more about life from.

Now this list may make it seem like I regret much of my 20's but that is not the case.  These are simply the things that I wish my "youthful ignorance" would have allowed me to listen to those more experienced and wiser than me, or that I would have been more confident to try on my own.

Words = something or nothing

Once again I find myself in a place of having neglected my blog for months now.  The few of you who frequent (???) are probably no stranger to the fact that 4 months ago I lost my mom.  Settling back into life has been more than challenging.  Weeks at a time go by and when I look back its all a blur.  I have been told and encouraged that this is "normal," along with the sleepless nights and not caring much about anything.
  This year has been the most difficult of my life.  Words like Mom, cancer, hospital, home, or love get spoken and my mind goes to another world.  Part because of my grief and part because I am numb to the realities of what has happened. Its in those moments that I remember everything that losing my mom impacts and life becomes a blur again.  On the eve of another year of YFCamp I am compelled in this moment think about the students instead of myself. as hard as it is.
   So many young students have sets of words that make them numb, and life a blur.  We hear story after story of students who have no concept of what a "dad" is, so I can't imagine that word making sense to those who have trouble grasping what a "dad" is.  My co-workers and I have also observed that words like "camp" and "happy" don't connect with kids today.  Especially those who come from homes where "happy" isn't expressed or lived.  And we have seen how abstract the concept of "camp" is when we see the excitement on their faces as they watch a promo video, but see the blank expression that follows as they view it as something out of their reach and not possible for them.  The difficulties in my life this year have given me a way to relate and see how something as simple a word can elicit emotions of confusion, longing, and numbness.  When there is no possible way for me to connect or not be distracted by words like cancer, home or mom; how can I expect that there aren't trigger words for a student that make communication difficult.  The only way for anyone to be able to know that there are such words is for someone to be walking very close to me through this time.
     Walk close enough with a student to know those words that elicit great emotion or no emotion at all.

Death to Life

Death is something that all of us stand to face. Last week at the high school there was a student who committed suicide, I received the news of this after learning that my own mother was diagnosed with cancer. Needless to say last week had a somber tone to it, then as Saturday ended I got the news that the father-in-law of a good friend of mine had died unexpectedly. As all of these losses and illness come to me it truly is amazing the grace that God gives us to cope and encourage one another.

As I have spent time ministering to students and a few of my close friends it truly has been amazing the strength and peace God has given me. However in the midst of loss and grief I have found myself challenged and angered on how the gospel shared. My mother who is not a believer and has experienced her share of struggles and trials in this life, is now fighting cancer, and rather than my questions being "why God would you do this to her?" my question has become "how do I share hope to her when things seem hopeless?" I cannot convince my mom or students of the hope that I have. Its not fair to them to have them ride on the faith that I have, they need a faith and a hope of there own.

I have really been challenged to share the gospel in a different way. John 17:3 "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." Eternal life according to this verse is to know God, and Jesus who was sent to die for us. Nothing is said here about having a good life, or not experiencing trials, having money or comfort. Jesus is the joy in this journey called life! Holding onto Him and knowing the Father who sent Him is the gospel that grieving, and hurting people need. In light of all the grief and trials around me I am even more passionate about what I do and making sure that others understand & see the grief and hurt that surrounds us day in and day out! I pray that we are convicted and called to action when we feel as though we may not have the answers to ease someones pain, we do however have the answers for the Life that comes after death.

House Broken...finally

OK OK so many of you who know me well know that I really am not a "homemaker" by any stretch of the imagination. I have always listed excuses such as not having anyone to take care of in that sense, or that part of enjoying singleness was to not have to do domestic things like cooking and cleaning.
The last few weeks I have been settling myself into another "home." I don't know what is different about this apartment but for some reason I have unpacked boxes that have not been opened since I moved to Florida 5 years ago! Maybe its my age, maybe its my desire to make some place really feel like home, but over the last two weeks I have cooked more than I have in the past two years. It feels a little pathetic to admitt but its pretty close to the truth.
Suppose another possibility for this sudden interest in cooking has come from my lack of funds to eat out so much, either way something has certainly changed in my head to motivate me to become more domesticated. I have really enjoyed cooking and I have enjoyed eating my cooking! I haven't heard any complaints from my current roommate either, so maybe I'm not that bad of a cook :) It feels great to finally be growing up and doing what other women my age do-(so to speak).
Soo if you have any healthy, simple recipes for me to try let me know!! I am anxious to get a few more cooking utencils and also do a little baking!

A year makes a difference

- One of the biggest things on my list of to-do's in the world of YFC ministry is our 2nd Annual Connection Dinner. The Dinner is an evening where we share the stories of our Palm Beach County YFC chapter, particularly the stories of students who have had significant life-change. During the dinner we give attenders the opportunity to take part in what God is doing in the ministry by partnering with us through volunteering or giving financially.
I really enjoyed the Dinner last year, and was blessed to have gotten some helpful contributions and partners out of the deal. However this time last year I recall being totally paniced about finding a table host and having idividuals to invite. I was absolutely terrified to ask for $300 to pay for the table and I was even nervous about inviting others to attend, afraid that I would be putting them in an awkward position and force them to give money. I remember a feeling of failure as so many of my co-workers had multiple tables and here I was struggling to even ask someone to help me with one table.
Well a year does make a lot of difference! Somewhere in the last year I stopped worrying about what others would think if I asked for money, or their help with finding people to support the ministry. Though I am far from in the black financially speaking, for the dinner I have become an asking fool. It looks like I will have at least 3 tables this year, possibly 4. And because I have asked so many people about the dinner I now have several people to follow up with because I put a "bug" in their ear about YFC. God has obviously done a great work in my heart and mind to keep me in this minstry, I am praying now that I can catch up to my financial goals and that I don't ever stop asking others to get involved.
When was the last time you asked someone to join you in your journey with God whether a mission trip or a personal spiritual journey? I know God has showed me the power that there is when we involve those around us in what He is doing in and through us!

Reunion rewind

If you read my post a few weeks back about my upcoming 10 year high school reunion you know that despite seeming awkwardness I was excited. Maybe at the time I was excited to get out of Florida though? Who knows.

The reunion was all the fun awkwardness that I could handle and more. There was little to no organization to the whole event. Although it was neat to see my former classmates with their children the "picnic at the park" event was weird. I'm sorry but since I don't have kids I maybe shouldn't have gone. It was the place were conversations centered around potty training and ages being shared in months instead of years??? Though there was plenty of cuteness walking around it just felt weird walking up to someone and not having a child to talk about. I suppose that for some parents this becomes a norm, but it certainly is not a norm for me.

The portion of the event was for a dinner at a local restaurant/bar. I greeted most people as they walked in as you can imagine this was a good fit for me- I could get a "hello, how ya doin?" out before they even saw who was asking. For the most part after entering people went straight to the bar, and after returning pretty much sat with the same people they did in high school in the cafeteria at lunch. It was strange to see how we've grown up but not really changed all that much. Maybe its because we are from a super small town where most of us have kept in touch with our high school friends over the years and those are the ones that we wanted to see anyway?? Or maybe I wanted to have an opportunity to share how past our small town I was as I've moved onto the "beaches of Florida..." I was asked to MC the evening but there was no microphone or an order of events. This is where the awkward moments begin. Everything that I had planned and wanted to do to shake the crowd up was blown up. And the longer it took to figure out what we were gonna do the more awkward it got.

I let down everyone who was counting on me to break the invisible ice. I got nervous and when the time came to take charge I cracked under pressure...Turns out I haven't come as far as I thought I had in the last 10 years? #reunionfail

'Hunger' for my time

Soo its a week out from YFCamp! And I can't wait, I'm so excited not only to be going but about the group of students that I have coming along with me! However my time this past week/weekend has had me reading the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, every spare minute I have.

I usually don't read and when I do its almost always a non-fiction, spiritual enhancing type book. I have a hard time reading fiction books mostly because if I really get into them I have a hard time fitting my normal life around getting to the end of the story. I haven't gotten to sleep before 3am in the last 3 days...but I just can't put it down. A couple of months ago I had a friend rave to me about the book, but as she described it as a little "sci-fi-ish" I was turned off though the story did sound somewhat interesting. I somehow, (probably from a celebrity news show,) figured out that they were making these books into movies. I almost never hop on a band wagon before everyone else is on it too, so I thought to myself as I perused a bookstore last weekend "why not" just see what all this is about and if its any good. I had a gift card so I wasn't going to necessarily lose money on the book if I didn't like it.

I should probably step back and share how I got to the bookstore on a Friday evening. I am moving yet again and in an effort to save a little on this last month we (my roommate and I) decided to turn off cable and internet. On Friday evening I was sitting at home finishing a book I was already reading and decided to shop and see if I could find another book to occupy my time in the absence of TV, internet, and even the dvd has been packed away. Either way its Tuesday and I'm about to finish the second book in the series, "Catching Fire." I'm hooked and I'm not only eager and persistent to finish the book series I'm also looking forward to the movies that will be coming out. Unlike the "Twilight" book series, and "Harry Potter" (which I have never even read a word,) I am ahead. I may not be ahead of a lot of people but for once I can join in before previews in the movie theaters are getting others to buy the books.

In observation I guess really the main point isn't that I have read a book before the movie comes out but really how much time I have on my hands without television and internet in my home. Not only have I read these books, I've also spent more time with the Lord and read some of those non-fiction, spiritually enlightening books. By not having TV and internet I have not only enhanced my life spiritually, and personally for my ministry, but I have also taken up a hobby which I had always considered myself too busy for.

So in closing I would challenge you to really unplug, and not just from phone, or email, unplug from the distractions you may have at home. Read a book...find a hobby?