Lessons for your 20's

As another year has wizzed by as I finally stand on the other side of my 20's.  I turned 30 on Sept. 9th.  I am not your typical 30 year old single female.  I actually looked forward to this day and rather than reflecting on the parts of life I have yet to experience I rejoice in the life that I have experienced.  That being said I want to dedicate this post to those of you who are in their 20's still.

My 20's held a lot of life and change, it was full of transitions, the good, the bad, and sometimes ugly parts of life are all there.  However there are several things that I wish I had done differently, and I'd like to share that wisdom here today.

-I wish that I had spent more time in the kitchen. Many women are born w/ this interest, I was not but I do wish that at 30 I was more comfortable in a kitchen and confident at a grocery store.

-I wish that when others spotted a gift or an ability in me, or something that needed correction that I would have respected them enough to seek it out and try.  I often and many times still think that I know ME best, but an outsiders perspective is so valuable to learning about yourself.

-I wish that in my early 20's that I would have heeded the advice of those older than me instead of thinking I knew how to do it best. Can't tell you how many times I ended up learning the hard way and having to redo or repent for my actions.

-I wish that I would have developed better organizational habits, both personally and professionally.  My theory was that I didn't need to "cook or clean" because someday I was gonna be married and have kids & not have a choice in the matter.  Well Im not married and don't have children but making my home livable is important at any stage of life, and necessary to help find balance between home life and work life.

-I wish that I would have been more picky about who I spent time with in my 20's.  Not every relationship is worth making life-long or worth sacrificing for.  Finding people who bring out the best in me has become the key ingredient to the relationships that mean the most.

-I wish that I would have spent more time investing in the generation behind me in healthier ways.  I spent a lot of time with them (& still do) but sought the place of friend in their lives instead of responsible mentor they could look up to and learn more about life from.

Now this list may make it seem like I regret much of my 20's but that is not the case.  These are simply the things that I wish my "youthful ignorance" would have allowed me to listen to those more experienced and wiser than me, or that I would have been more confident to try on my own.

Words = something or nothing

Once again I find myself in a place of having neglected my blog for months now.  The few of you who frequent (???) are probably no stranger to the fact that 4 months ago I lost my mom.  Settling back into life has been more than challenging.  Weeks at a time go by and when I look back its all a blur.  I have been told and encouraged that this is "normal," along with the sleepless nights and not caring much about anything.
  This year has been the most difficult of my life.  Words like Mom, cancer, hospital, home, or love get spoken and my mind goes to another world.  Part because of my grief and part because I am numb to the realities of what has happened. Its in those moments that I remember everything that losing my mom impacts and life becomes a blur again.  On the eve of another year of YFCamp I am compelled in this moment think about the students instead of myself. as hard as it is.
   So many young students have sets of words that make them numb, and life a blur.  We hear story after story of students who have no concept of what a "dad" is, so I can't imagine that word making sense to those who have trouble grasping what a "dad" is.  My co-workers and I have also observed that words like "camp" and "happy" don't connect with kids today.  Especially those who come from homes where "happy" isn't expressed or lived.  And we have seen how abstract the concept of "camp" is when we see the excitement on their faces as they watch a promo video, but see the blank expression that follows as they view it as something out of their reach and not possible for them.  The difficulties in my life this year have given me a way to relate and see how something as simple a word can elicit emotions of confusion, longing, and numbness.  When there is no possible way for me to connect or not be distracted by words like cancer, home or mom; how can I expect that there aren't trigger words for a student that make communication difficult.  The only way for anyone to be able to know that there are such words is for someone to be walking very close to me through this time.
     Walk close enough with a student to know those words that elicit great emotion or no emotion at all.