Words = something or nothing

Once again I find myself in a place of having neglected my blog for months now.  The few of you who frequent (???) are probably no stranger to the fact that 4 months ago I lost my mom.  Settling back into life has been more than challenging.  Weeks at a time go by and when I look back its all a blur.  I have been told and encouraged that this is "normal," along with the sleepless nights and not caring much about anything.
  This year has been the most difficult of my life.  Words like Mom, cancer, hospital, home, or love get spoken and my mind goes to another world.  Part because of my grief and part because I am numb to the realities of what has happened. Its in those moments that I remember everything that losing my mom impacts and life becomes a blur again.  On the eve of another year of YFCamp I am compelled in this moment think about the students instead of myself. as hard as it is.
   So many young students have sets of words that make them numb, and life a blur.  We hear story after story of students who have no concept of what a "dad" is, so I can't imagine that word making sense to those who have trouble grasping what a "dad" is.  My co-workers and I have also observed that words like "camp" and "happy" don't connect with kids today.  Especially those who come from homes where "happy" isn't expressed or lived.  And we have seen how abstract the concept of "camp" is when we see the excitement on their faces as they watch a promo video, but see the blank expression that follows as they view it as something out of their reach and not possible for them.  The difficulties in my life this year have given me a way to relate and see how something as simple a word can elicit emotions of confusion, longing, and numbness.  When there is no possible way for me to connect or not be distracted by words like cancer, home or mom; how can I expect that there aren't trigger words for a student that make communication difficult.  The only way for anyone to be able to know that there are such words is for someone to be walking very close to me through this time.
     Walk close enough with a student to know those words that elicit great emotion or no emotion at all.